Nuffle News

Zombies Fumble in the Dark
7 nov 2006
Rocko and Jocko Reporting

Rocko: “Well there we were folks. The 2006 Saltwater Divisional Playoffs!! The 7 and 2 Orcland Raiders vs the 8 and 1 Ghouly Boys. And what a game it was. Two hardcore teams smashed helmets, heads, and body parts last night in what was the toughest game I’d seen all season.”

Jocko: “Tell me about it Rocko. The Orcland Raiders definitely brought their “A” game. I got a chance to talk to the head coach of Orcland, Chip Bonecrusher, before the game. When I asked him how he is going to deal with The Ghouly Boys, who were out for vengeance due to their early loss to Orcland in week 2, he had this to say:”

Chip Bonecrusher: “We dontz fear thoz ugly deadites. We smash ‘dem good ‘n plenty beforz. Wez can do itz agun! WAAAAGGGHHH!!!!”

Jocko: “ummm…yes. So tell me Chip, how do you plan on dealing with Spot and Roofus, The Ghouly Boys TWO star werewolves. They have brought a lot of hurt to many a teams this year and when you played them in week 2, they had only acquired Spot.”

Chip Bonecrusher: “Hahahaha…..wez gotz something speck-chul planned for demz smelly dawgz.” *large explosion from the Orcland Raiders locker room*

Rocko: “Wow Jocko, Chip sure was confident. And there was no surprise what that “speck-chul something was”. The Orcland Raiders won the toss and elected to kick off. That’s when we saw the bombardier hit the field for Orcland. Oooohhh this was going to be bloody.”

Jocko: “And bloody it was Rocko. The Ghouly Boys had a terrible start when star player Julia Ghoulia couldn’t even pick up the ball!! Not a single block thrown before the Raiders were on top of them. We saw many bombs exploding, and many broken zombies litter the field in the first half. Good thing those guys know how to put themselves back together or else there would be no team left for the second half. It was an Orcland domination. That bombardier was laying waste to the whole Ghouly team.”

Rocko: “And don’t forget about the early ankle smash of Spot by Orcland’s own Eat Tis. I don’t know what The Ghouls would have done if that ankle didn’t just heal itself. It was looking like a solid first half rape-fest for the Raiders, who had managed to steal the ball and march it within 5 squares of the endzone, when the Ghouls got a break and Razor managed to take down the Orcland ball carrier, allowing Julia Ghoulia to swoop in, pickup the ball and long pass it to wide open Roofus. It looked like the tide was going to turn!”

Jocko: “Yes it did Rocko, but it was short lived because Orcland defense was not going to give up that easily. They were able to keep Roofus in check and run the clock out. End of the first half. Score: Orcland Raiders 0, Ghouly Boys 0. Second half, after the break”

*cue Bloodsport News music*

Playoff Fever
31 oct 2006
Playoffs Special Report

The playoffs have officially begun.

And there's no better proof of playoff madness then an official 2006 BBPL Playoff Bracket :

In the first round, the Knockout Round, six teams marched on to the pitch, and only three came out to continue up the path to the Premiership.

A bye was given to the Bad Moon Bears.

In the Saltwater Division, the Darkside Destroyers and Sabado Gigantes were eliminated by the top two teams in the division. The Ghouly Boys (7-1) and Orcland Raiders (6-2) now advance to face each other in the Saltwater Divisional Championship.

The SD Championship should be a great match, as the Ghouly Boys' only defeat in the regular season was against the Orcland Raiders. Add to the fact that both teams have beefed up considerably since they met several weeks ago, and you have the makings of an epic battle.

In the Freshwater Division, the playoff team with the second worst regular season record, the Neverland Nightmares (3-5) managed to pull off an upset and defeat the Protectors of the Swamp (4-4).

The Neverland Nightmare face an uphill battle in the FD Championship as the Bad Moon Bears handily defeated the Nightmares during the regular season.

But all bets are off in the playoffs. It's where where Cinderella stories are born and miracles happen.

Find out what happens. Tune in at Matchplay on Thursday, 11/2.

A Foul Playoff Stench
24 oct 2006
Playoffs Special Report

The Neverland Nightmares with their big hands and bright colors emerged from a tough season of casualties to become a playoff contender in the 2006 Fighting Hellfish Blood Bowl Premier League.

In the first round of playoffs, the Knockoff Round, the Neverland Nightmares faced the Protectors of the Swamp. When these two teams met in the regular season, the outcome was brutal--four Neverland Nightmares players were knocked out, two of which were outright killed.

After the previous pummeling, the Neverland Nightmares were looking for revenge. As Nightmare players emerged on to the pitch, hatred clearly filled their eyes.

The Protectors of the Swamp won the coin toss and chose to kickoff. The Nightmares quickly pounded three wood elves to the ground and proceeded down the pitch for a touchdown. Nightmares, 1. Protectors, 0.

With the Protectors in possession of the ball, the Protector's treeman quickly beat down two Nightmare players while other Protector players continued the rampage by tackling a few more. It looked like an easy score for the Protectors.

During the drive, the Nightmares sent a player deep down the field and almost on cue, the Protector's catcher dropped the ball with the Nightmares recovering. The Nightmares then converted the turnover into a touchdown. Nightmares, 2. Protectors, 0.

Off to the side, Nightmare players, evidently still feeling the splinters from a previous tackle, ganged up on the Protecctor's treeman in an attempt to turn him into firewood. During the attack, a Nightmare player is kicked out.

Of course, payback is a bitch and the Protector's treeman soon goes after the Nightmares. After a jumble of limbs and branches, the crippled body of a Nightmare player is hauled off. With the referee turning a blind eye, Protector players dog pile a Nightmare player and send him to the netherworld.

The Neverland Nightmares begin the second half, barely able to field six players. Two have been knocked out, while five are out of the game. The Protectors receive the kickoff and drive down the field. As luck would have it, the Nightmares foul up the drive and the ball is dropped.

The Protectors recover their own fumble and eventually score, but fall victim to the Nightmares special ability to evaporate time. Although the Protectors get on the board, half of the second half is already over and three days have past. Nightmares, 2. Protectors, 1.

With the Protectors kicking off, two Nightmare players hobble back, allowing the Nightmares to field eight players. The Nightmares set themselves up on the right side of the field, and bash two Protector players out of the game. The Treeman is rooted on the next turn, and both sides lose another player.

The ball lands dangerously close to the Nightmare's end zone. The Protectors still have enough time to recover the ball to attempt a tying touchdown. The Protector elves attempt to foul the Nightmares. The Nightmares then attempt to foul back. Both teams fail, as the crowds cheer on. The fouling goes on, but the Nightmares hang on to the ball.

The clock runs down, and the Nightmares, all 5 left on the field, let out a mighty cheer. The Nightmares win and advance to the Divisional Championships to face the Bad Moon Bears.