Weekly Newsletter
(updated 17 oct 2006)

Pre-Season
"Da Bad Moon Bears be here to win some bloodbowl. We gonna win, so you allz better just give us the trophy or else we'z gonna stomp you! No lilly elves, stinking hummies, dumb deaders, or even an udder boyz gonna get in our way - we're da Bad Moon Bears. Go Bears!" - Thurg, Bears Head Coach

And there we have it folks, straight from Thrug to you - the Bad Moon Bears are taking the Fighting Hellfish Blood Bowl Premier League by storm this year and have their eyes set on the top spot. A new team to the Hellfish division, they showed their stuff off at the pre-season bowl by trashing last years champions - the Lustria Playmates - in their first game ever. They then took down the Orcland Raiders, a veteran orc team - and finished an exciting game in OT vs the Ghoulie Boys to take home the pre-season bowl cup.

This season's line up is an impressive one. Starting off the list is thrower 'Ead CHucker. 'Ead Chucker learned to throw while working with goblin sappers on the dwarven front – he picked up his nickname by using the slowest sappers head to show his troops where to dig – and he liked to inform them from a quite a distance back, those tricksy dwarves can leave some pretty potent booby traps behind them in their tunnels.

Veger and Zuhle are Black Orcs Brothers – this is their first year on a pro team after leading their BruiseBowl league with most blocks thrown.

Erckle Drizzlespout is an all-star goblin, at least in his own mind, who got his fame in the final match of the pre-season bowl by KILLING the Ghoulie Boys werewolf – with a little help from the bloodthirsty crowd that is. We don’t expect to see that EVER again

The impressive Blitzer squad is lead by Liver Stuffer – a mean, scrappy Orc who has been in and out of Weird Boy training for years now. If his powers ever come to the attention of the Nuffle Ref’s there may be some serious bribes that have to be paid – but until then enjoy the antics.

Stay tuned for weekly updates – from your # 1 fan site of the Bad Moon Bears!

Week 1-Darkside Destroyers

“Dem darkie elfs sure thought they were trixey – then we smashed em good! Dey tried to jump and get away – dey were so scared of getting smushed – and they kept dropping da ball and fallin down. And we beats them good!” – ‘Ead Chucker, Bad Moons Bear thrower
With only 16,000 fans showing up for the Bear’s first game vs the Darkside Destroyers people might have thought no one wanted to see the game. Actually, a late venue change by the Head Ref moved the game from the underground pitch to the one in Orc Town. Most of the Dark Elf fans couldn’t find shades and sunblock in time for kick-off, only 5,000 made it in the gates. Sure, some might think that changing venues like this was a cheap and dirty trick to play on light-sensitive dark elves, but I say – it’s just Blood Bowl!
This was a drawn out running game, and the Destroyers were quickly hurt by a heavy hit on their Witch Elf that kept him out of the rest of the game. Sunny conditions and high winds kept the passing to a minimum, and with some quick scores the Bears came to an early lead and kept it the entire game.

Week 2 - Gossamer Goblins
“Gobos – who said dey could get out of da mine? And play with trolls? And No Boyz on da team? Lets go smash em and show em der place!” – Liver Stuffer, Bad Moons Bear blitzer

A popular game – both teams had won their matches last week and 26,000 fans showed up for this game. It started with a riot – literally, almost 2,000 fans charged the pitch and had to be herded off by the guards. All of them except for the dozen or so that the Gossamer Goblins 2 trolls ate – what hungry trolls, you’d think that one or 2 fans each would have filled their bellies! The first half was an exciting match – the Bears received and ran downfield and scored in just 3 turns. The Gossamer Goblins then managed an amazing feat – hucking a gobo downfield and then he ran the ball he was carrying in for a TD!

The 2nd half started and the Gobo’s tried their goblin-hurling trick again – but this time the Bears were ready. They strung some ankle-height twine across the edge of their goal-line and the gobo tripped over it as he ran past the laughing Bears. The Bears picked up the ball and marched downfield managing to score and bringing it to 2 – 1. Then, hungry after chucking so many gobos The Gossamer's Trolls spent the rest of the half chasing goblins around the pitch trying to stuff them into their mouths. Liver Stuffer was seen lurking in the back of the pitch drooling, light leaking from his ears, making weird mouth stuffing gestures, and staring intently at the Trolls while this happened – what a strange orc he is!

Week 3 - Ghouly Boys

“Deaders – ‘dey is da worst! ‘Dey stink cuz dey be rottin, and dem wolfy boys got bigger teef den me! We kept smashing em, bet der parts just kept squirmin back to each ‘udder! We went out and hired ourselves a big ol’ troll now – if we gots to play dem deaders again Pul will just sit on em. Right Pul?” – Thrug, Bears Coach.

“Raaaaaaroooorrrgghhh. Pul want eat zombie! EAT ZOMBIE!” Pul Versize, Bears troll

31,000 fans showed up for the Bears 3rd game, and Fork had a treat for them! He managed to score a set of Gromskull’s Exploding Runes – which he used to great effect, spending the most of the 1st half firing runes at Ghouly Boy zombies and werewolves – the fur & rotting flesh were bouncing all over the pitch! Eventually the ref managed to pull him off the pitch and the Bears played with only 10 men for the rest of the match. After reviewing the tapes Thrug is going to be sending his team back to training though – Colon Blow failed to catch a simple pass & tripped running for the goal, and Veger let a zombie knock him down. All of these mistakes were critical failures, and the Bears need to be playing much better for next weeks game. The Ghouly Boys managed to drag the match into OT & beat the Bears 2 – 1.

Good news though – after the match Thrug used some of the zombie parts left on the pitch as an inducement to convince ‘Pul Versize, an upcoming troll player, to join the Bears for the rest of the season. We’ll be seeing some heavy hits from him soon!

Week 4 - Brown Bombers

“Well Gurk – as the Bloodwesier MVP of the game, tell your fans how the game went?”
“Wot you want, mmmph?” spluttered Gurk, stuffing his face with more food “I gotz more food to eats, so leave me be! *belch*” Gurk smiles and waved a banana and Halfling pie “’Dis be good food – ‘alflings cook da best! An ‘dey be tasty raw as well! Har har har!”

“There you have it folks – Halflings, the best cooked team on and off the field”

Week 4 was a small draw for the Bears, only 18,000 fans in the stands. There was quite a wide stretch of empty seats between the Bears fans and the Bomber fans – maybe all of the fans were busy in the Kitchen! The bombers brought a master chef to the match who chose to make a rather dangerous meal for both teams – Banana Splits. It was a hot day, so the ice cream was well received, and the Bears players stuffed a few bowls into their pockets for mid-game snacks.

The first half began and the Bears were off their game, most of the players a little pre-occupied with full stomachs. The bomber trees injured Gurk with the 1st hit of the game, and then they laid Colon Blow out with a mighty hit shortly after that. The Bears, meantime, were busy eating the treats and tossing the peels all over the pitch. The Halflings had cleared a way for their ball carrier and one of the trees tried to hurl a Halfling down-field – but he slipped on a bears banana peel and dropped the ball. The Bombers looked at the pitch – My God – Yellow EVERYWHERE! Their one weakness, a slippery yellow pitch, perfect to steal traction from their Brown Bombing Halfling hurling play book.

The Bears gleefully started cracking heads – with such a slippery pitch the Bombers couldn’t dodge away from the Orcs and the game devolved into a Halfling beating. Bomber players that were knocked out kept their eyes shut after each drive to stay off the pitch, and the final tally was 1 dead Halfling and 3 in the injured box. The score was 2 – 0 and a wily Goblin who had invented the Bannana Split Surprise play for the Bombers joined the team, Quincy Longsplatter. See you all next week folks!

Week 5 – Sabado Gigantes

"Dat was a good fight! Dem boyz sure ‘it ‘ard!” – Gork, Bears Blocker

"Wat made da ground go boom? Der were flashy lights ‘an den I waz in da roomz..” ‘Pul, Bears Troll

"He he he – dey sure tried to ‘it me, but I ran ‘tween der legs and snuck round and grabbed dat ball! He he he. Ca’ nea catch me!” – Erkle, Bears Sneaky Git

Weel Bear’s Fans - Week 5’s game was against the Sabado Gigantes, a mighty Orc team that’s been tearing it up through the Hellfish league. More than 27,000 Orcs were there to cheer both teams on. The Bears were down a player, Colon Blow had to sit this match out nursing his Smashed Knee from last weeks match with the Bombers. The Bears did receive some assistance from Bomber Dribblesnot – a wily Goblin who snuck a bombardier onto the pitch!

The bears received the ball and started a daring reverse run play against the Gigantes while Dribblesnot fired bomb after bomb into the ranked Black Orcs and Big Puka. The Gigantes reacted in amazing Orc fashion – sending 4 Orcs off the pitch in the 1st 4 turn! The Bears apothecary managed to patch ‘Ead Chucker up so he could return for the 2nd half – While Dribblesnot managed to send both Big Puka and ‘Pul Versize off the field with a single bomb. Pukka pulled himself together and shuffled back onto the field for the 2nd half, but ‘Pul spent the rest of the match sleeping in the KO box in the Bears dugout. It was a rough and tumble 1st half, with Veger managing to advance the ball within 4 paces of the Endzone – but the Gigantes took him down and managed to rush the ball to the other end of the pitch just before the whistle blew on the 1st half.

The 2nd half started and the Bears could only put 9 players on the pitch – and 2 of them were gobos. On the other half of the field the Gigantes had a full line up, ready to tear into the Bears line. There was only 1 way that the bears could pull this game out – and that was by being Sneaky Gits. Out came all the stops – the Bears troll Cheerleader had a series of Wardrobe Malfunctions to keep Big Pukka’s pea-brain off the game. In the confusion – and horror – of seeing a Troll Cheerleader in such a state – Erkle & Quincy started dashing between the Black Orcs of the Gigantes legs and managed to squeeze themselves behind the Gigantes line as Gizzard Spike played like a Elf and dodged away from the Gigantes flank and managed to strip the Ball from their carrier. ‘Ead Chucker dove between the now open lines, snatched up the ball and headed to the Goblins. Not to be outdone the Gigantes proceeded to KO Gork and knock down the rest of the bears team – except for Erkle & Quincy. Erkle managed to pick up the ball from between ‘Ead Chuckers arms and he booked for the end zone – just fast enough to outpace the Gigantes revenge and managing to run into the Endzone seconds before the 2nd half was called and tying the game.

As OT started the Bears won the coin flip – even from the Dugout, injured like he was, Liver Stuffer used his Weird Boy tricks to give the Bears one last chance. Again, the Gigantes set up 11 men on the pitch to the 7 that the Bears could field. It looked like the game was over – then Erkle & Quincy made another mad dash between the legs of the Gigantes players, dodging like the were Elves (but not Dark Elves – they can’t dodge at all!) and running the ball into the back field. The Gigantes managed to strip the ball loose and their thrower tossed it downfield but Liver Stuffer managed to use all the Orcy power from the crowd for one last dirty trick and knocked it from the Gigantes player grip. Quincy threw a block and knocked the Gigantes Lineman back who was covering Erkle. ‘Ead Chucker dodged away from a Gigantes Blitzer and snatched up the ball from the feet of a looming Gigantes Black orc and threw a perfect Long Pass to Erkle. Erkle caught the ball and giggled as he ran it into the Endzone. Quincy received the MVP for his brave block to free up Erkle, and the Bears won the match 2 – 1.

Stay tuned for next week’s report!

Week 6 – Orcland Raiders

“An den I flew! I flew! He eh he he eh! Oh, sure – dat troll over der ga’ me a boost, but I did all da REAL work!” – Erkle, Bears Gobo

“Mmmm, me am hungry. Where be dat sneaky lil gobo Erkle?” – Pul, Bears Troll

“uh… he he he… gotta run!” – Erkle, Bears Gobo

“Mmmpppph” –da Mighty Fork, Bears Lineman

The bears squared off against another Orc team for week 6’s game, the Orcland Raiders. Another big crowd, 30,000 Orcs were at the gate to watch the match. Gobo’s, of course, weren’t counted. The Bears had taken a beating in their match last week vs the Gigantes, but all of the players were up and ready to play for this game.

The Bears received first, and they started the drive with some heavy hits, pushing the Raiders back a pace. ‘Ead Chucker grabbed the ball and tossed it to Erkle. After the Raiders commited their backfield to bolstering the line, ‘Pul reached back and grabbed Erkle and threw him over the Raiders line, and Erkle ran the ball in for a touchdown. Erkle found the play funny, but the Orcy crowd did not – they had come to see gnashed teeth, split skulls, and LOTS OF BLOOD! They rushed the pitch, knocked down some players but wisely avoided the Trolls. The Bears got the message and locked Erkle & Quincy in the dugout for the rest of the match.

The Raiders and the Bears squared off again – ready to play some serious Blood Bowl. Orcs went flying, knocked back and forth across the field Almost as an afterthought, the ball was moved a round a bit – but everyone was concentrated on dealing out the pain. The half ended early, to much time had been eaten up by the riot – no casulties yet but each side was nursing some bruises and trying to gulp down some squig-juice and bloodwesier before they had to get back on the pitch.

The 2nd half started and the Bears kicked off to the Raiders. A sloppy catch from the Raiders left the ball exposed, and the Bears tried to exploit the mistake by rushing the center of the Raiders line – and within minutes the ball was again almost an afterthought as Orc hit Orc in a glorious battle. With 20 players crammed into the center of the pitch it was hard to tell who was hitting who, but as the dust settled Gizzard Spike ran out of the chaos carrying the ball, headed for the Raiders endzone. The fans, seeing the melee on the pitch in danger of ending, threw a rock and knocked Gizzard down – giving the Raiders a chance for the ball – but another missed catch left the ball lying on the pitch, surround by players more interested in hitting each other than scoring. The game ended 1 – 0, the Bears squeaking out a win.

Da Mighty Fork earned this weeks MVP – mostly because he spent the game being punched by a Raiders Black Orc. Once his teeth grow back & his jaw is unwired we’re sure Fork will have some great commentary about the experience. See you next week Bears fans!

Week 7 – Neverland Nightmares

“So, Chucker, you were the MVP for last nights match. Can you tell us about the game?” - Biff

“Har Har – dem hummies ne’er learn. Dey didna see dat orky juice on da ball! I squeezed dat on der in da first ‘alf and it was squirtin’ round da pitch an’ out der ‘ands all game!” ‘Ead Chucker, Bears Thrower

“So that was it – Orky Juice for the win” - Biff

“Dat Oky juice stick good! Me get dat ball from da hummies too!” ‘Pul, Bears Troll

“See, da Bears Boyz – dey hit hummies ‘ard! Den we hit em some more! Oh yeah, den we give da ball to da fast Orc – Gizzard Spike – den we score. Da Orcky juice is just da funny part. Har Har” ‘Ead Chucker, Bears Thrower

“There you have it folks – the Bears secret weapon. Hard hitting and some Orky Juice!” – Biff

Week 7 for the Bears, a classic Blood Bowl matchup of Orcs vs Humans. 30,000 fans showed up to watch this match between the Bad Moons Bears and the Nverland Nightmares. The Nightmares had some extra help this match, a Bloodwesier Babe with some extra pom-pom action and a mutated Ogre joined them on the pitch. The weather was perfect for Bloodbowl – a few warp storms were in the area but nothing was going to stop this match. The Bears won the coin toss and elected to kick.

‘Ead Chucker picked up the ball from the Ref, gave him a quick wink, and poured a little Orky Juice onto the ball before handing it to Liver Stuffer. Liver Stuffer send a perfect kick deep into the backfield of the Nightmares, and the game started. The Orky Juice worked perfectly as the Nightmares started their offence by fumblinb the ball, the Orky Juice greasing the ball right out of the human hands. The Bears took advantage of the fumble by driving into the Nightmares lines and getting some blitzers into the backfield. A few more minutes of battle left 2 Nightmares in the KO box while Gizzard spike grabbed the ball and ran it into the end zone. Again the Bears kicked the ball deep into the Nightmares backfield and disrupted their play – with an amazing interception by ‘Pul Versize the Troll - keeping them from scoring before the half ended.

The 2nd half started with a Pitch Invasion – hundreds of angry Nightmare fans charged the pitch, hoping to get the contaminated ball cleaned off for a fair half – and they managed to stun 4 of the bears players. The Bears fans, never ones to sit back for a fight though – rushed out as well and knocked down 3 of the Nightmare players while managing to keep the Orked up ball in play. The Bears picked up the ball to start their drive, moving it to centerfield. Spleen Pincher saw a lone Nightmare lineman still wobbly from the pitch invasion and dealt him a devastating blow – scoring the first kill for the Bears this season.

A slow and steady march and the Bears scored again, bringing the score 2 – 0.
One more kick from Liver Stuffer, an onsides kick to try and give the Bears a shot at running up the score in the last minute of the game. The nightmares managed to keep the ball though and the game ended, another smashing victory for the Bears. There is talk from the Hellfish League commissioner that Orky Juice should be banned, but he seems busy enough keeping chainsaws in the stands and off the pitch for now – so expect it to be a recurring and slippery addition to every Bears game. Next week is the regular seasons final game, until next time Bears Fans!